Fangirls of Doom
by Clumsy Peg
Summary: Megatron's worst nightmare...fangirls. His Decepticons don't do much to make things any better. Definitely a crackfic, written as a gift.


**For Nakka-sama, another amazing reviewer of my "Guardians of Life" story! I would tell you what she requested, but that would ruin the fun of it all.  
**

**This was hilarious for me to write. I absolutely loved the idea!  
**

**Disclaimer: I own no characters nor games mentioned in here.**

* * *

"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

Barricade looked up from his morning newspaper, optic ridges furrowed. "What the frag was that?"

Starscream shrugged. "Beats me," he replied, sitting down at the table with a rather large cup of coffee.

"Is that regular or decaf?"

"Uh, regular…hey!" Starscream yelled as Barricade stole his coffee. "Go get your own fragging mug!"

"I believe I just _did_," he replied coolly, taking a sip. "Now go find out what that noise was."

"No!"

Barricade rolled up his newspaper and whacked Starscream across the face.

"Oww, what the-"

_Whack_.

"Primus! Will you-"

_Whack_.

"This isn't going to-"

_Whack_.

"Fine, FINE! I'll go!"

Barricade grinned smugly as Starscream angrily shuffled out of the kitchen and down the hall, grumbling to himself. He eventually turned around a corner and was met with the sight of Megatron, arms splayed over a door and optics wide with fear.

"L-lord Megatron! What happened?" Starscream asked, fearing the worst. "Is it the Autobots? Did they ambush you? Did Bonecrusher leave the Telletubbies on again?"

"N…no…worse…" Megatron managed to gasp, sliding down the wall into a sitting position, utterly exhausted. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "_Fangirls_."

Starscream looked at the Decepticon leader's horror-filled face, dumbstruck. "Fangirls?" he asked. "What's so bad about little fleshling females?"

Megatron's optics narrowed and his normal demeanor returned at his second in command's ignorance. "Why don't you see for yourself!" he growled, grabbing Starscream by his wing and shoving him out the door and slamming it closed again.

"What? You're scared of these things? I really think you're losing your touch--" Starscream said, his voice muffled through the door. But his words were cut off by a high pitched squeal, followed by what seemed to be thousands more.

"OHMAIGODITSSCREAMER!"

"Starscreammm!!!!!"

"Let's get him!"

"Hey, get off of me! You puny fleshlings! What the--" Megatron heard a thump as Starscream fell over. "Aaaggghhh! There's too many! Lord Megatron! Save me!" he yelled desperately. "No, not the face! Not the face!!"

Megatron smiled an evil smile. "Why would I, the great Lord Megatron, do that? You're serving as a great distraction!"

"B-but Megatron! I'm your ever loyal second in command!" Starscream wailed. "No, no! Let me go! They're dragging me away!"

"Then as my _loyal second in command_, you will graciously be my decoy of doom!" Megatron laughed, listening to Starscream being dragged down the hallway.

"Save meeee!!!"

Megatron rolled his optics and walked away. "Coward." He walked back down the hallway, stopping at the door to the security room. "Soundwave, make sure you check the security cameras more often! Half the base is swarming with fangirls!"

"Yes, Lord Megatron," Soundwave answered, sadly shutting down his game of Pong and bringing the security cameras back online. Starscream was being dragged past the screen in the top left corner.

Megatron strode into the kitchen, where Barricade was still reading the paper and drinking Starscream's coffee. "Megatron," he acknowledged, looking up at his leader. "Is everything okay?"

"Just some fleshlings desperate to bask in the glory of the all-mighty Lord Megatron, bringer of Doom!" he replied, striking a pose at his name.

Barricade rolled his optics. His leader had a tendency to repeat his own name. A lot. Maybe it was an identity crisis thing.

"What are you going to do to get rid of them?" Barricade asked.

Megatron only waved his hand. "That is not a problem the great Lord Megatron should have to be faced with. You, as one of my underlings, should do it while I prepare for _Doom_!" With this statement, Megatron strode away, fully confident the problem would be taken care of.

Barricade narrowed his optics, mumbling to himself. "_Should_ I do it, yeah. _Will_ I do it? Nope."

"Now, I, the great and powerful Lord Megatron, am going to take a shower! Of _DOOM_!"

* * *

Barricade was walking down the hall, minding his own business, when a desperate cry met his audio processors.

"Barricade! Please help meee!" Starscream wailed desperately at the mech from a sea of giggling fangirls.

Barricade ignored him and kept walking.

"Barricade!"

He kept walking.

"You stole my fragging coffee! You _owe_ me today!"

Barricade sighed and turned around. "Hey, you!" he yelled to them, "Megatron's taking a shower right now." The fangirls paused and looked up at him, confused. "That means he's _naked_."

Instantly every last fangirl made a mad dash for the bathroom, screaming their heads off.

"There," Barricade said, walking away. "But don't expect me to help you when your own fangirls come by."

"Wait…you mean they weren't mine?"

"Nope. They were still Megatron's fangirls. They just enjoy beating you up as much as he does."

"Oh…slag…"

* * *

"Transformers, more than meets the eye…Transformers, robots in diguiiiiiseeee…Decepticons wage their battle to destrooooy, the puny-and-completely-insignificantly-small forces of the stupid Autobots…" Megatron sang in the shower. "Ah. Now I, Lord Megatron, am squeaky clean and one step closer to DOOM!" he said, striking a pose at his name once more. "Primus, I never get tired of that…" He pulled back the shower curtain of doom and stepped out, walking to the sink. He pulled his claw polish of Doom out of the cabinet and began waxing his fingers. You can't be ready for Doom with dull claws! Then he looked in the mirror. And screamed at a decibel level Starscream himself would be proud of.

He was surrounded by fangirls!

"Aaaggghh!!" Megatron yelled, stumbling backward, away from their beady little eyes staring at him hungrily. Pictures were flashing everywhere. "How…how did you get in here? AGH! I'm naked!" he screamed, pulling the shower curtain off its rings to cover himself. The fangirls were beside themselves in pure happiness.

"OMG! I got a picture of him naked!"

"ME TOO!"

"Megatron is so HOT!"

"I GOT HIS BOXERS!"

A rush of squeals answered this declaration. A girl climbed her way on top of the sink, triumphantly holding Megatron's boxers in one hand, brandishing a very large and imposing hammer in the other.

"That's not fair! Not all of us have a war hammer!" someone wailed.

"It's a war hammer of _doom_," she corrected, "And it will keep you all away from my prize!"

Megatron watched the scene unfold in front of him in disbelief. "Is she really going to steal my boxers?" he asked himself aloud. Then he watched the fangirl jump out the door and run down the hallway, half of the other fangirls chasing after her. "Okay…I guess she is. Frag! Those were my favorite pair!"

"Quick! Let's pull the shower curtain away!" someone shouted.

"Oh frag! That's _not_ going to happen!" Megatron yelled, realizing there were still fangirls swooning over him. He leapt from the bathroom in a death sprint, clutching the shower curtain to himself. He ran throughout a series of hallways as fast as his legs of Doom would carry him, but somehow the fangirls were always right behind him. Suddenly he reached a dead end.

"Slag, slag, _slag_!" Megatron cursed to himself, frantically looking for a way out. But it was no use. The fangirls had cornered him, and were slowly crawling closer like lions stalking their prey, eyes shining excitedly. Soon enough they'd go in for the kill. Megatron gulped.

Then he remembered he was holding his claw polish of Doom, and an idea came to his processor.

"Hey, who wants this?" he asked, waving the tube in the air. The fangirls immediately perked up and started squealing. "I'll even sign it for whoever gets it!" he added, throwing it as hard as he could across the hall. The fangirls took off after it, screaming and yelling and fighting one another for the precious tube of claw polish of Doom.

Megatron sighed in relief, and slowly tiptoed his way to his room to get dressed. One must be in the proper attire before they could be ready for Doom.

* * *

If Starscream thought Megatron's fangirls were bad, it was _nothing_ compared to his own fangirls. He only managed to get out of their grasp by pretending to be one of his own clones, and saying the "real" Starscream was at the other end of the base. He was quite proud of himself for that little bit of treachery.

He stealthily made his way to the main room, where he saw Barricade finally surrounded by fangirls.

"Ha! Now you know what its like!" Starscream gloated.

"You know, this isn't that bad," Barricade replied. "Oh, a little lower…lower…there we go," he added to the fangirls rubbing his shoulder armor. "I could live with this."

Starscream was dumbfounded. "W-what? Why are your fangirls giving you massages…and fanning you with giant palm fronds…and feeding you giant grapes?"

"Because they know how to appreciate their idol properly," Barricade replied smugly. "Grape!"

"You don't even _like_ grapes!" Starscream yelled, exasperated. He shook his head. "Have any of the others been attacked by fangirls?"

"Soundwave has."

* * *

Soundwave was once again sitting at the security desk, playing Pong. Only this time he was surrounded by a multitude of fangirls who were literally hanging on his every word.

"Say it again!"

"Decepticons, mobilize," Soundwave replied in his deep monotone voice, attention still on his Pong game.

"Squee!"

"I love his voice! Its just so sexy!"

"Say something else!"

"Soundwave acknowledges," he said, not caring in the least about the fangirls climbing all over the security equipment. Not as long as they stayed out of the way of his Pong game. He was going for a high score, here.

* * *

"What about Blackout?" Starscream asked, still miffed that his fangirls didn't treat him like Barricade.

"He's out on a mission, so they're stalking him there."

"And Bonecrusher?"

Barricade turned around, one optic ridge higher than the other. "Seriously?"

"Okay, okay. Just making sure," Starscream said. "Probably a good thing too, knowing him…"

"_SCREAMER_!"

Starscream paled.

"Hey, _Screamer_, I think your fangirls found you," Barricade chuckled. "And they don't sound too happy!"

"Slag."

* * *

Megatron managed to get into his room of Doom and lock it without incident. He sighed once more, then picked out his attire that would best equip him for Doom.

"Finally!" he shouted regally. "I, the Great and Powerful Lord Megatron, am ready for D-"

A crash interrupted his all-important thought.

"What is the meaning of this?" Megatron yelled angrily, opening his door. "No one interrupts me when I annouce Doom!"

"Megatron's the best!"

"No, its Barricade by far!"

"But Soundwave kicks ass with his voice!"

"But Screamer is so dreamy…"

"What the…" Megatron asked, watching the innumerable fangirls fight amongst themselves.

Barricade, Starscream, and Soundwave walked over, carefully avoiding the riot. All three mechs looked more than a little frightened. Well, Soundwave looked like he always does.

"It kinda happened all at once," Barricade said, slowly backing away from the growing mob. "First, Starscream's fangirls angrily tackled him for leaving. Then one of my fangirls said something about how I was better (which I am…) and the two groups started fighting. Then Soundwave's fangirls heard and joined in. And then out of nowhere your fangirls dove into the fray."

The four Decepticons watched the sea of fangirls fight tooth and nail over who was the best of them all.

"I wouldn't even wish this on the Autobots," Megatron finally stated, surveying the fight with wide optics.

"How will we get rid of them?" Starscream asked, hiding behind Soundwave.

Barricade looked from Megatron, optics wide and utterly forgetting about his Doom, to Soundwave, looking bored as ever, to Starscream shuddering behind everyone else, and back again. "Must I do _everything_ around here?"

* * *

"Do you hear that?" Megatron asked.

"No."

"Exactly! Its quiet!" The Decepticon leader reveled in the silence…the silence of _Doom_.

Sure enough, the fangirls were no longer on base.

"What did Barricade end up doing?" Starscream asked.

"Oh, I sent them on a mission," Barricade answered, smiling his signature evil smile.

"What kind of mission?"

"A secret one."

"Barricade!" Starscream yelled.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Will they be coming back?"

"Maybe."

"_Barricade_!"

"Okay, fine! I told them Michael Bay was casting for a new female character in the next Transformers movie. Jeez."

* * *

"Mr. Bay…there's a…_group_ of girls here to see you," his receptionist said.

"Oh, well, send them in, I guess," Michael answered, leaning back in his chair with his feet on his desk. "No harm in talking to a few fangirls, is there?"

* * *

**:P I love beating up on Starscream.**

**And just so you all know, Nakka-sama requested a fic in which Megatron's boxers were stolen XD**

**Reviews make my day!**


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